bebeloo

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2011-11-13T17:13:00.001-08:00

Today//

I'm thankful for a husband who cooks delicious food. Today Christian made the best falafels and homemade Pita Bread I have ever tasted. How lucky am I?

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2011-11-11T14:07:00.001-08:00

Today//

I'm thankful that we met Martin and Julie and sweet Moses, Caspar, Tirus, and Herbie and that this sweet and energetic family that is traveling around the world has inspired us to travel too, and to stop acting like parenting gets in the ways of our dreams.

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2011-11-11T13:59:00.001-08:00

Today//

I'm thankful that Iris is trying to learn how to surf. I like to see her trying to develop her talents. I hope she continues to develop and grow and do things that she loves.

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2011-11-08T17:18:00.000-08:00

Today//

Was the craziest day of my life. I'm grateful I lived through it even though I'm exhausted and heart broken, at least know I know what I need to do if we're really going to try to adopt a child while we're here.

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2011-11-07T17:15:00.000-08:00

Today//

I'm thankful that a peace walk started in front of my house.Everyone dreams of peace even when they don't.

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2011-11-06T08:45:00.000-08:00

Today//

I'm thankful that my parents had an oops baby 9 years after I was born. My little sister is my best friend.

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2011-11-05T17:33:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm thankful that we're all given the gift of changing our minds. Meet our new kitty, Cacau.

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2011-11-04T14:38:00.000-07:00

Today//

Enzo drank three cups of green juice. How can I not be grateful for that? And look even a leaf is growing out of his head.

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2011-11-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful that it's coldy, specially because I know that pretty darn soon it will be so blazing hot I'll barely stand it.

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2011-11-02T12:15:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm thankful that I'm in a place where dreadlocks are the norm.

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2011-11-01T05:43:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm thankful that I got up with my baby. I love how warm and cuddly she is in the morning and I love the smell in her hair of a good night sleep.

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2011-10-31T05:40:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm really missing Santa Cruz. Halloween is my favorite. But in the spirit of gratitude I have to say that I'm glad I won't have buckets of candy to deal with. One popsicle for each kid is plenty and then we can move on.

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2011-10-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm thankful that we went to church. It's not easy (although it's not really that hard) and it's pretty expensive to rent a car (though I seem to have no problem spending money on other things) but it's good to go and be reminded that the Church is true no matter where and no matter what.

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2011-10-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful that my oldest if still 5 and not old enough to come home drunk. I'll leave it at that.

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2011-10-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful for so much. My heart and my tummy are full. A beautiful morning on the beach with Enzo and Maria does that to me.

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2011-10-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful that I can keep a watchful eye on Iris while she works. Kidding. I'm thankful that she found a job and that she doesn't have to spend hours commuting to work. Horray for quality of life!

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2011-10-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful for Gel and his friendship and that his friendship translates into bringing us the most delicious and cutest bananas ever.

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2011-10-25T18:05:00.000-07:00

Today//
I'm grateful for sugar cane juice with ginger and lime.

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2011-10-24T18:03:00.000-07:00

Today//
I'm thankful that I don't have to drive anywhere in town, that everything is within walking distance, and that biking is better than walking or driving. Yay for our new bike.

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2011-10-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm thankful for the cool dad that Christian is to my kids.

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2011-10-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful that no one in our family is allergic to mangoes.

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2011-10-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

Today//
I'm grateful that this house has hammock hooks everywhere.

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2011-10-20T23:05:00.000-07:00

Today//

And every single day of my life, I am thankful that Iris is my sister.

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2011-10-19T17:46:00.000-07:00

Today//
I'm grateful that Enzo likes to read and that he is so dang persistent. He said he would read 50 books if I bought him a can of Guarana. Done.

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2011-10-18T18:06:00.000-07:00

Today//
I was sick in bed with a stomach virus like no other. I'm thankful for Iris who took care of me. I was too sick to take a picture. Here is the salad boy instead. I think he's pretty great too.

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2011-10-17T17:50:00.000-07:00

Today//
I'm thankful for Baby Maria. She is turning into a big girl (25 months old today) who plays by herself but right when I need her to stop being so dang old she runs to me and cuddles and says "mama" and lets me say "baby" right back at her.

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2011-10-16T18:01:00.000-07:00

Today//
I'm thankful for the long nap I took with Enzo and Maria. What a lovely treat. Since the moment was only captured in my heart I'll show my feet instead.

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2011-10-15T18:03:00.000-07:00

Today//
I'm grateful that Christian took us on a pretty hike.

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2011-10-14T17:54:00.000-07:00

Today//
I'm uber grateful that we have monkeys trying to break into our house. Sure it's a little scary but's it's also really cool.

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2011-10-13T04:43:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful that the bakery is a 40 second walk from my house and that their bread is hot, hot, hot early in the morning and that I can feed my family a nice breakfast of fresh bakery bread for just $2 Reais.

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2011-10-12T04:30:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful for skate parks on the beach. And Children's day. Children's Day, skate bowl, beach, and sunshine was a perfect combination to make me realize that I live in the coolest place on earth.

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2011-10-11T20:14:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful that my daughter is fierce, so fierce she is a potty queen. I'm also thankful that Enzo thought the song "Party Rock" was "Potty Rock." And on that note I'm thankful that my baby screams "Party Rock" when she's excited. Life is good. Oh so good.

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2011-10-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful for a good run. Couch to 5K you work. You're fabulous. I love you!

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2011-10-09T16:59:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful that band-aids can make imaginary hurts go away.

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2011-10-08T04:33:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful for being wrong. Once upon a time I told myself I would never let my kids watch TV, drink chocolate milk, and other such things I deemed harmful. Today they watched, not one but, two shows and then drank a glass of very chocolaty milk. And they were fine.

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2011-10-07T07:44:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm thankful for Aunts. Iris is the best aunt my kids could ever ask for, that I could ever ask for. She never treats my kids like a burden. She treats my kids like the joy that they are.

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2011-10-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

Today//

I'm grateful for self-esteem. When I allow myself to feel beautiful the easier it is to see beauty in others.

I think it's kind of official official

2010-11-30T09:53:00.000-08:00

I'm migrating bebeloo over to Kitchen Corners.

If you follow me here you can follow me there.

If you want.

No pressure.

I might come back to bebeloo when I have really crazy things to talk about that I simply can't write on a food blog. Like, what if Enzo decides to ask me where babies are from? If he does than plan A if to show him this. If that doesn't work than I'll have to come to you for help.

But right now I think he's more concerned about trains and pirates and I am more concerned about keeping my sanity and simplifying my life so if you don't mind I would love to have you join me at Kitchen Corners.

xoxo

Monday Moment- This is not a goodbye

2010-11-15T10:03:00.000-08:00

When I went to the foodbuzz festival I handed out my new business cards.

No one commented on my food photography.

Those who had never read my blog immediately said "cute baby" and those who already read my blog asked "what about Enzo"

Here's the thing, I can make a mean funnel cake.

I make yummy fish. But lets be real, the most delicious things I have ever made are my kids.

I've been battling with the idea of combining bebeloo and Kitchen Corners together. In some ways I think it would be good. For example, I think it would be good to inform my Kitchen Corners readers about the whole Amazon debate. I conveniently have an Amazon plug-in so that every time I mention a cook book I can add the Amazon affiliates link which then means that every time someone clicks on the link I make money. But now, no more. I'm pissed at Amazon and I think my readers at Kitchen Corners should know why. At the same time bebeloo is so intimate and I love it.

This is where the whole idea that blogging gives you a false sense of fame can just go ahead and kiss my behind. Because, I feel accountable to you. Not because I feel like a blog celeb but because I've built true friendships through this intimate space.

Will you still be my fiend if I just blogged at Kitchen Corners? If I out posts that I would otherwise put here over there? I'm interested to know your thoughts and can you take another minute and read more about this conflicting decision over here?

My Monday Moment: Stepping outside my complete comfort zone and trying something new.

(my new biz card)

I don't believe in freedom of speech, if it's putting my children at risk

2010-11-12T06:56:00.000-08:00

I made a personal decision long ago that if anyone molested my children I would kill them. It's un-Mormon of me, it's illegal, it's twisted. But I would kill them.

When I read about Amazon putting the e-book "A Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure" on sale I felt sick and upset and then sick again. First of all Amazon has censored items in the past and the press release about keeping this book on sale because they're protecting Freedom of Speech is BS! Here is the thing, I don't believe that you have the right to say whatever you want. I don't believe that a book like this being sold is protecting freedom of speech. I don't. I've been reading News Paper articles about this controversy, I've been on blogs, and on twitter. Oh twitter, your power baffles me.

Bloggers, bless their hearts, went up in arms calling for a boycott against Amazon on Wednesday when techcruch posted about this book on their blog. One report stated that over 30,000 mommy bloggers contacted Amazon or blogged/twittered/FB calling for an Amazon boycott in less than 24 hours. Today the book is no longer on sale.

Lots of thoughts.
First, I think it's phenomenal how mommy blogging is powerful.
Second, I think Amazon is stupid and clearly irresponsible. With only 2 weeks left before the biggest shopping day of the year they clearly did not think this through. If you have 30,000 mommy bloggers calling for an Amazon boycott right before the Holidays then their sales will suffer. Most of the items I purchase, not food related (except for cook books) are off Amazon. I buy a lot of things from Amazon. As I'm sure many of you do as well. Now, I will move my purchasing powers elsewhere, thank you very much. I understand that Amazon sells billions of things. It sells books on how to build bombs. It sells video games that simulates rape. It sells very distasteful items. However, selling a book that has this description.

This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certian rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught.

is simply above my tolerance level.
Here is why; first I know the affects and repercussions being molested has on an individual. It may not define you but it does scar you. Second, pedophiles are extremely threatening for many reasons. First, sex has to be consensual always. Children can not consent. Second, My life is dedicated to my children. Infinite hours are spend so that they are safe, healthy, and happy. When someone decides that their sexual pleasure is more important than the safety, health, and happiness of a child then we have a problem. When we travled to Bahia this year we saw so many campaigns fighting against child prostitution, trying so very hard to keep those who are disenfranchised safe from sex tourism. Then I come here and the same place where I buy Enzo's lego set for Christmas sells a book that has step-by-step instruction on how to lure children into having sex with adults makes me sick. I am thrilled that mommy bloggers spoke up. I'm thrilled that our purchasing power is strong and that it gains such a strong voice and that voice is being heard. I am saddend that the reason we have a voice is because we are consumers. I'm saddened that Amazon only pulled the book off their shelves because we threatened to do our Christmas shopping somewhere else and not because this book is so obviously morally and ethically wrong. I think that the book should have been pulled out immediately before mommy bloggers even said anything. I'm not stupid. I am aware that pedophiles will exist with or without this book. I know. But that is besides the point.

The point is that as a society we have decided that children have rights. They need to be safe. It's frustrating that we point fingers at developing countries "look at child labor, look at child prostitution, look how many kids don't go to school." I agree with you, it's horrible and we need to change all of that. But to say that it's o.k to sell a guidebook for pedophiles because we have the right to say what we want and the right to buy what we want, in my mind is worse.

I want my Enzo safe. When I was his age I was molested by a neighbor. It 's one of my earliest memories. I want Enzo's 4 year old memories to be filled to the brim, over flowing, taken for granted even, of happy moments. Innocent moments. Always!

Thank You

2010-11-11T07:31:00.000-08:00

I read your comments.

Twice.

Thanks for being concerned and empathetic.

You're so good at doing that.

update: My insurance company is the bestest ever. USAA baby! I spoke to them on Monday and that same day the money was put in to my account. Basically I had two choices. I could go for the renter's insurance which has a $250 deductible and I cold claim the Macbook, SD card reader, and FlipCamera or I could go for our computer insurance. When we got our second kid and our second nice computer we decided to get computer insurance on top of renter's insurance. Kids destroy computers and the insurance is like 2 bucks a months, yeah totally worth it. The computer insurance has no deductible but I could only claim the computer and the SD card reader. No Flip. The Flip is worth less than $250 so we went for that. We already purchased our new computer and we're waiting anxiously for it to arrive. As for the Flip I haven't bought it yet. I want to. I need to (not really). I love that little piece of plastic. Maybe next month I'll get it for Christmas, not form Christian he doesn't really want to buy it. Thank goodness for Santa Claus.

But really what I want is the hotel to pay for it and for everything else. If they do I'll pay my insurance back because I don't want my renter's insurance to go up. I'll keep you updated. I just need some time to figure all this out.

Can I just say that this whole thing has been hard but that I'm so grateful it was a computer and not someone I love. Oh boy, that would be hard.

Monday Moment- I need your help on this one

2010-11-08T10:35:00.000-08:00

You are my Monday Moment.

I swear.

At the food blogging conference this weekend I talked about you. I talked about my bebeloo audience. I get way less hits, way less traffic, zero money, from bebeloo. But I swear my audience here is made out of pure gold. How did I find you? I just feel like you care in ways that go beyond a computer screen and for that I am extremely grateful.

Today I need your help.

I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack.

I need to breath.

one.

two.

three.

I need to trust.

"Dear, God help me"

I need to relax.

This weekend was magical. It was so beyond great and I want to tell you all about it. But there was something awful that happened. On Saturday afternoon our hotel room was broken into. My laptop computer was stolen. My memory card was stolen. My new flip camera was stolen. Mariko's DS was stolen. The hotel has been awful times a zillion. They've been completely irresponsible. They charged us for our 911 calls among other things. Mariko talked to them and they removed the charges but she HAD to talk to them. We've talked to tem for hours. I could give you details of how everything went down and how the hotel has dealt so inappropriately with this but it would take a long time. Basically, they are acting like Mariko and I are trying to scam them. Maybe they think we'll be scared, and oh boy they have been trying to scare us off. But honestly they are messing with the wrong people. Hello TWITTER! Hello Facebook! Should I tell them I have this blog and that the handful of you who read this blog are super opinionated women? Dude, I drove 20 something hours to go to a protest once in Florida. I have no problems taking this far and wide.

But

Right now I'm scared.

Terrified is probably the better term.

That Macbook has my life. It has all of our information. Social Security numbers. Tax information. It has all of my documents. All of Christian's documents. It has thousands and thousands of pictures of my kids. I am freaking out about the pictures. Ironic, I know. I post pictures of my kids everyday on the web. I use their real names. You all know where I live. But I control what pictures I put up. Plus, I put them up for you. You Andrea who found me when I was pregnant with baby Maria. You FootPrints who always has something funny to say. You Ana, who is so kind and inspiring. You Le Mama. You Nath. You Tash. You Liz, my college friend. You Sarah with your big heart in spite of our religious differences. You. You. You. Sure there are other people who read here who I do not approve. I know that. Still I control what pictures I put up and the thought that someone has pictures of all my kids, of my kids' birth, or special moments in our family's life makes me feel sick and violated.

The thought that the hotel is being completely unresponsive makes me sick and angry.

too many emotions.

Tell me everything will be well.

Tell me that the thief will erase everything and sell the computer.

Tell me that my identity and Christian's identity will not be stolen.

Tell me that all will be well.

I really need to hear that today.

kind of like Diego from the Animal Rescue Center cartoon, only a bit more spiritual

2010-11-03T22:40:00.000-07:00

Enzo was having a really hard afternoon yesterday. He was on the verge of tears way too often and then had a major meltdown. I asked him to go to his bed because he was not being safe with his body in the concrete outside. I probably used different terminology but lets just pretend that my positive discipline techniques are up to date.

He went reluctantly screaming all the way up to his room and then proceeded to scream in utter frustration while sitting up on his bed. Screaming is annoying and sometimes Enzo is annoying but not yesterday. Yesterday he was troubled and he was having a hard time controlling his emotions. It made me sad. I went to the bathroom to pee, of course, with baby Maria, of course, and as I was putting her down on the floor I spotted a lady bug. It was a big lady bug with lots of dots. I tried to pick it up several times but it got frightened and hid it's legs. Finally I got it off the ground and walked into Enzo's room. He was still upset and crying and I softly said "Enzo this lady bug is scared. I'm not sure what's making it scared but I think it needs a friend. Can you be a friend and hold it until it feels safe?"

He wiped away his tears and his snotty nose with his hands and opened it flat for me to put the lady bug on top. I handed it over to him and left the room. The crying stopped and for the next 10 or so minutes there was complete silence coming from Enzo.

THEN

CRY

a happy cry.

"Mamae, the lady bug flew. It felt safe again. I was a good friend "

Enzo was happy.

I smiled and thought, "dang I'm good!" Actually, no I didn't think that. I did think "dang, God is good"

he answered my prayer

AND

taught my son a lesson.

I was going to title it "VOTE" when I started this post hours ago. Now it's too late.

2010-11-02T23:27:00.000-07:00

Baby Maria, Christian, and I went to vote today.

Please don't tell Enzo we went without him.

He will be devastated.

A million thoughts,

first, I find it terribly (in a terrible terrible way) that ultra conservatives and drug dealers alike are voting no on the legalization of marijuana. Obviously for different reasons. Humboldt county, where medical marijuana reins, has predominantly voted no. Wouldn't it be fun to go to a rally where there were conservatives and drug dealers all trying to not legalize marijuana? I voted yes. I think it should be legalized. It would mean a decrease in the ever growing incarcerations in this country.

Voting is awesome. I love voting. I feel so happy inside when I vote. Remember how two years ago we got to vote and president Obama won? Dang, that was an awesome day. Remember how I found out I was pregnant that day and could not stop smiling? That was also awesome. Too bad I had a miscarriage a couple weeks later. That was completely devastating.

I'm not a Republican.

Does that devastate you?

Will you still love me?

Other news:

-Brazil elected it's first woman president last Sunday.

-Today was in the 70s no winds and absolutely dreamy weather

-We've been hanging out and cooking with Luize and David for the last couple of days. We're blog friends but now we're real friends. On Thursday they leave Santa Cruz and continue on their 6 month trip around the USA and Asia because they're from Sweden and David gets 6 months paid (!) paternity leave. I love you US of A but take a hint!

So I hope that:

-Baby Maria becomes president one day of either Brazil or the US. Lucky her she gets to pick.

-The weather will continue to be beautiful and that this weekend in San Francisco will be toasty warm.

-One day all of you will seize to be just blog friends and will become my real friends.

Monday Moment

2010-11-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

My Monday Moment will be reading about your Halloween.

So, how did it go?

Happy Halloween

2010-10-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

From us to you.

From them to me.

From me asking them to say it

and them taking it to a whole new level

Baby Maria has a love/hate relationship with her costume. Enzo likes to sing using "Arghh,"you know, the pirate sound. I might use Enzo's costume from last year, Thomas the Train but add some red blood coming out of my face. I can be the killer Thomas or a train wreck. It might just traumatize all the 2-5 year old predominantly male population in my neighborhood. Maybe Christian and I should dress up as farmers so we can catch our wild chicken. Either way we will continue to do what we do best, have fun.

(Thanks Katrine for the cute pics. I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids)

Have a happy and fun halloween.

I can't wait to hear what you did in your home.

xoxo,

people ask me why I keep board books and Cheez-Its in the bathroom

2010-10-29T15:22:00.000-07:00

actually no one asks me that

but they should.

I would love to vent my bathroom frustrations on someone but the truth is that no one cares and in a couple of months I won't care and will probably even forget this chaotic phase of my life. Or not.

I can't say that Baby Maria is out of control because society tends to believe that parents should and do exercise some form of control over their kids so if I say she's out of control than I'm implying that I'm a crappy mom which after much thought and deliberation I have come to the conclusion that I am not. I am however, a mom that needs to pee every 45-60 minutes. This is entirely a result of pushing out 2 big babies out of my vagina. Yes vagina. vagina, vagina. vagina. Guys can blush, gals can role their eyes, but the truth is that most babies come out of vaginas which effects your urinary incontinence tremendously. Unless you have a gold medal at Kegals, which I do not.

So when Christian isn't home baby Maria and I make our way to the bathroom. I pee and she eats Cheez-Its otherwise she would eat Soft-Scrub that is under the sink. I know I should remove the cleaning products and find a safer place. I know. But the truth is that it's not just the Soft-Scrub it's literally everything. It's trying to throw herself inside the tub, it's trying to roll the toilet paper, it's the simple fact that babies should not be in bathrooms and the other fact that I refuse to baby proof my entire life. So I pee and she eats between 2-4 Cheeze -Its while I show her baby animal pictures from a board book.

We have this system down but it's not one that I love and cherish. It's one that we do to get by because I know in my heart that in a couple of months this insanity will be over and we'll be able to move on to something much more complicated. Potty training maybe?

Yesterday I failed the system. I left her alone in the living room and ran up to the bathroom day dreaming about peeing alone without having her looking up at me, without having to pick up Cheez-Its crumbs from off the floor. It was fabulous until I came downstairs.

so not worth the pee.

post-edit: I just googled Cheez-It and this disturbing product pops up.

sicky baby

2010-10-27T10:41:00.000-07:00

Baby Maria is sick.

Again.

Her immune system is not her forte .

Guess how hard it is for me to see her sick.

It's painful. Physically painful.

She has a massive cold sore inside her mouth.

She doesn't want to eat anything.

In an attempt to cheer her up we listen to music and play with instruments.

Normally she wold be all over the place, dancing, and clapping, stomping up a storm.

Today she's super low energy

but still totally cute.

I'm a mommy-food blogger and I love it

2010-10-26T14:18:00.000-07:00

Last week the Food Network Channel contacted me and asked me if I would be interested in doing an interview with Claire Robinson. For a second I stopped breathing and then replied "YES!!!" I might have used more than three exclamation marks. I have a girl crush on Claire, mainly because she talks super fast and looks fabulous and is witty all the while cooking up a storm.

Yesterday was the interview.

I was so nervous.

I just wanted to say, "Claire will you be my friend"

but instead we talked about eggs and frittatas

and Enzo.

I always talk about my kids.

In less than 2 weeks I will be presenting at the biggest food blogging conference ever. Speaking of nervous the thought of it is making me seriously ill. The organizers asked me to be part of a panel with 2 other bloggers. When I first received the e-mail I thought it was a mean joke. Not a joke, today we had a conference call with the organizers and panelists and I felt totally freaked out. Can I do this? Last year I went to the conference with a 6 week old baby. I stayed in the back of the room listening to the panelists up front. I nursed my baby. I sprayed a famous chef and blogger on the face with breast milk. I walked out and sat by the doorway trying to keep baby Maria quiet as I made out every other third word that the panelists were saying. I sat outside as I nourished baby Maria and thought "I love food blogging". I LUV IT and I wish I was better, so much better at it. I didn't feel resentful, not one bit. I felt grateful that well, this is my life. It consists of cooking and blogging while raising my kids. Last night I stayed up till 1:00am, and many nights I do the same thing so I can finish my posts, edit my pictures, and think about what I will cook the next day. I fall asleep with a smile on my face. Now don't ask me how I wake up in the morning, you don't really want to know.

Next Saturday if you're in San Francisco come hear me speak. The panel is called "Food Blogging Guide to Success." I don't consider myself a successful blogger but after almost 3 years of doing what I do I feel like I have successfully learned how to balance, or at least accept the time constraints that I have to work with in order to be a good mommy and a descent blogger.

And the bestest part of all is that my friend Mariko will be in the audience.

We'll have to come up with some hand signals so she can tell me if I sound totally ridiculous.

Monday Moment

2010-10-25T10:19:00.000-07:00

A few actually.

First, Baby Maria blew her nose for the first time when I put a tissue to her face.

This is HUGE.

It's one of those things you don't really get unless you're a parent and even then if your kid is not a constant snot faucet you still might not appreciate the full blessings of independent nose blowing.

Actually, today my Monday Moment is all about independence. Baby Maria is getting more independent. She can open the toy boxes. She can pull out the baggies where her dinnasours and cars are in and she can hit them with Enzo's bath toy for as long as she wants. Alone.

What was your Monday Moment?

coldy weekend

2010-10-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

October is such a weird month. We get heat waves that completely trick us and then we get cold spells that makes us curl up and cry it's so frigid. I think it will be cold from now on. We haven't had our first rain, which is usually the marker for winter. And because we live in hippy town USA the first rain consists of a little tradition (alert: NAKED PEOPLE RUNNING). I would totally do this if I didn't hate running so much. Some families (you know who you are, don't pretend like I'm not talking to you) get in the car naked and follow the naked runners. I changed 5 poopy diapers yesterday so maybe putting a naky baby in a car seat is disastrous.

Do you want to know why she had 5 poopy diapers?

....

I'm going to tell you anyway.

She ate over 10 plums. No joke. I stopped counting at 6:50pm when I found her in the corner eating yet a another plum. I had a box full of perfectly ripe plums on the floor. It was too heavy and bulky to put anywhere else.

I made lots of plum sauce and plum jam. Today I'm tackling the apples and making apple sauce and some other apple goodies but only after my friend Victoria C. comes over to help. I tried making jam by myself with baby Maria in the baby carrier and it failed big-o time.

This weekend I will get through the apples and I will grade all my papers and I will figure out a system to keep baby Maria's face clean because right now it always looks dirty. Could you tell from the picture? Enzo has his first primary program. It's where the kids do the service at church. I'm ready to cry buckets. I always get emotional seeing the little ones sing songs about our faith. I'm really looking forward to this weekend it took forever to arrive.

What are your plans?

dad, mom, son, daughter

2010-10-20T22:26:00.000-07:00

gosh, we're so cookie cutter it's kind of weird.

Good thing we have some inter-racial flavah in the mix to spice things up.

I think I'm going to have 4 kids.

The plan is to space them out 3 1/2 years.

I'll have March babies and September babies.

The next will be a boy

and then

a girl.

Enzo asked if we can name the future baby "Door" because "door " is an English word and he's kind of not liking his none English name these days.

Here is the deal...I keep getting these feelings that we need to adopt. This is not a new feeling. I've always wanted to adopt and Christian and I have talked about this before. But lately it's really in the forefront of my thoughts. I make to-do lists and I write "buy milk, call health insurance, adopt a baby..." I promise that I'm a much more critical person than what my to-do list would imply. I realize that adopting is no like buying milk and it's much more complicated than dealing with insurance companies (my arch enemies). But what do I do with this feeling? Do I just ignore it until we're conveniently more stable?

Any thoughts on adoption?

I need some guidance.

today was a good day to be a mother

2010-10-19T22:55:00.000-07:00

If you haven't yet can you please read the comments from my last post, particularly the one from sabofamily (Melissa Sabo) who said that her Monday Moment was watching her children interact with the new baby that was born earlier that morning in her shower. Humm...should I even continue to do Monday Moments after that comment? Not that it's a competition by any means but seriously, I think she wins a prize . Yes, Melissa Sabo deserves to win a prize for being the cool mom that she is.

I'm so inspired my moms.

there are some quality ones out there.

Today Ana Degenaar had me on the verge of tears with her post my life is an open book. She LUVS her family and is so eloquent and elegant in her writing. Then Ruth sent me a sweet e-mail after I left a comment on her post. Most of us don't have to worry about making sure our girls feel beautiful until they get all teenagerish on us. But Ruth wants to make sure that her little Davy feels beautiful and loved every single day. She's asking for prayers as her baby Davy embarks on a major surgery tomorrow. I believe in prayers, I think mother's prayers are specially special. Oh, and can I just say that I think {running} mommy is ridiculously beautiful. I admire how she's tackling her life with so much courage and grace.

Today I had a wonderful mothering day. I really felt like I connected with my kids in all the ways that really matter. It was a beautiful day, we played outside, I beat Enzo in tic-tac-toe several times because I refuse to let him win but when he did beat fair and square he felt completely victorious. Baby Maria had two donuts because I didn't care. She also sorta-kindda-mumbled-mama.

However, my proudest mothering moment was allowing Enzo to bake all by himself. He's recently discovered that I put pictures of him on the "computer" and write about his life. He's fascinated with my blogs, it's kind of fun to watch like, "oops did I fail to mention that YOUR.WHOLE.LIFE is public and has been for a long time?" I guess he had no idea. Anyway, he wanted to create a recipe for my food blog. He told me he was going to make cookies. "one cup salt, one cup sugar, one cup water, one cup flour, two cups chocolate chips..." I was trying to ignore him but when Enzo decides something there is no way around it. So he baked all by himself. I just watched and held back the urge to give him opinions. The end result were cookie/muffins that had way too much baking powered and baking soda and not enough sugar. They're pretty nasty. But they are something. They are something that actually had a consistency and actually became a legitimate baked good (or not so good). He omitted the salt, thankfully, and added eggs, orange juice, and kept on adding flour until the consistency was just right. I'll post about this on my food blog, I have to. But for this blog all I can say is that I am proud of my 4 year old who knows about the basics of baking.

Christian came home and just assumed I had baked. He had 3 of the nasties and is chastising me for calling them nasties, even though they are. Maybe he's right, maybe my pre-conceived notions are taking the better part of my tasting buds. Just for the record though, if Enzo asks, please tell him I loved them because I love him . Every last bite of him, and his little sis too.

Monday Moment

2010-10-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

On Saturday when the happy couple started dancing a bunch of the little girls got a chair and ran over to where the dancing was taking place and watched. The little girls were mesmerized looking at the princess bride with her new prince.

I bought baby Maria a doll in the airport when we were coming back from Brazil. I felt bad that we hadn't gotten her anything for her first birthday and a little bad that she hadn't had any exposure to "girl" toys in the first year of her life. Within 5 minutes of her having the doll she managed to rip the mouth off and started attacking the eyes. It was gruesome to watch.

This morning we had some quiet time together. She wanted to play with cars. So we played with cars and this was my Monday Moment. I'm going to enjoy her for what she is and be grateful that we don't have princess wands and fairy dresses all over the house, just yet.

Have you had your Monday Moment?

today I liked Christian again

2010-10-16T22:08:00.000-07:00

Christian and I got in an argument this morning right before he was leaving to go to the supermarket. It was really intense and it was about animal crackers. I felt heart broken and a little like the world was going to start shattering into animal cracker crumbs.

I almost cried.

Then I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything so I went and had some toast and juice and the sugar in my blood stream made me realize that the world was not falling and that Christian is not so bad.

Now I'm feeling emotional again, but it's not Christian's fault. We went to a friend's wedding and it was beautiful. Our friend married a man who's wife passed away two years ago leaving behind 2 kids and a baby in her womb. Miraculously the baby survived and this poor dad was left with no wife and no one to mother his children.

This is my worst nightmare.

This is real stuff.

This is broken hearts and worlds shattering for sure.

But today this nice man married the nicest woman we know. She was Enzo's Nursery leader in church and then his Sunbeam teacher when he moved up to primary. She is as kind and gentle as anyone could ever imagine. She will be a good mom for the three kids.

I couldn't help but think about all the "what ifs" while I watched the children play and the happy couple dance. I held in the tears of happiness mixed with anxiety but then after a while I let them flow through my face as I watched Christian jump on the trampoline with Enzo and pick up baby Maria as she tried to bathe in the garden fountain. If I die I want Christian to be happy.

and I'm going to leave it at that.

Enzo and baby Maria in video

2010-10-16T12:20:00.000-07:00

Christian and I just found a bunch of videos from when Enzo was a bebe. There are so many and because Enzo and Maria are practically baby clones we thought we could rename some of the files to have her name on it instead. She doesn't have nearly as much footage of her baby days.

But now I have myself a flip camera which is making everything easier. I have a nice Mini DV recorder, my SLR also takes video, but the flip is much much easier to share online. No, they are not paying me to write this so stop that!

Anyway, here is a video of Baby Maria totally walking and attacking my food.

Today she said "papa" when Chris came back from surfing. I'm trying to pretend it never happened specially because she still refers to me as "uau uau" (think, dog barking in Portuguese).

And because I don't have favorites here is a video of Enzo waking me up in the morning. I'm not a morning person at all and usually this totally bugs me. But after seeing him perform a couple times I end up waking up with a smile on my face.

Now a confession...

I don't watch videos on blogs.

Is that lame?

I enjoy pictures so much more.

I promise to start posting more pictures soon.

I just got myself a new lens I'm excited to play with.

mommy blogging is a crappy job

2010-10-15T20:38:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my friend Mariko about blogging. We do that a lot. We hypothesize all these different things about bloggers and why one genre of blogging is easier than another. I argued that mommy blogging is easier than food blogging. Food blogging takes a lot of time. You cook the dish, you take a bazzilion pictures, you edit your pictures, you write up a recipe and then you cross your fingers and your toes hoping that someone out there will be interested in your recipe knowing full well that there are thousands of better food blogs with better pictures and better recipes. Besides, if someone really wants a recipe they'll go to AllRecipes because google usually shows them first anyway. I hate AllRecipes.

So mommy blogging is easier because there is always material. Kids will always eat nasty things off the ground, have poopy blowouts, say funny things, and they're cute so it's easy to take pictures of them.

CJane is a mommy blogger. She's not my favorite and I often am annoyed at her. Like seriously, how many times do you need to say you're fat?! But I have to hand it to her she is brave and I do not envy her fame. This week she posted about gay marriage. Yikes. Why would anyone post about gay marriage? You're begging to have rocks thrown at you from up, down, side to side. But she posted about gay marriage and revelation and other things that she believes in. CJane and I are from the same faith, we're both Mormons so most of what she wrote wasn't new to me.

I decided to leave a comment.

And then...

BAMM!

Rocks!

I started getting nasty rocks from all over the place, from her comment feed, in my e-mail inbox, through my contact form. I mostly just glanced at it and moved on. However one e-mail stung a lot. The person said "I am offended that you have children, that you are a mother, that someone as hypocritical as you could raise human beings."

Ouch.

So I responded and the response drew more negative attention. So I stopped the nonsense and unsubscribed from the comment feed and I started deleting the e-mails. I needed to get back to grading papers, preparing for my class, and mothering those little human beings called Enzo and baby Maria the best way I know how.

But what about CJane? Well, she had hundreds of hate comments to read through. I'm sure she had just as many hate e-mails to read through. She can't just unsubscribe. She can't just delete and move on. It reminded me of when Dooce, another famous mommy blogger, had her second child and didn't change her header which she normally does every month because she was in the hospital having a baby. People were offended and sent her hate e-mails calling her a lousy business women. Or when Heather Sphor, another mommy blogger posted the most heart wrenching post about her daughter's funeral and someone left a comment saying that her dead baby daughter was ugly.

Why?!

So now I'm feeling incredibly grateful for my food blog. It's way more time consuming but at least no one leaves hate comments and sends me nasty e-mails because my religion is a little obsessed with jell-o and casseroles.

ps. You will never get a hate comment or e-mail from me. Ever. Cross my heart. I may not agree with you and we may share different opinions on faith and politics and hair style and shoe size. I'm not saying people should be complacent. No way Jose! But being nice is always a good idea

beautiful things make me happy

2010-10-14T11:48:00.000-07:00

Christian's family is incredible.

I think it's inevitable when your grandmother has 10 kids.

Incredible in all it's glory and drama and stories and marriages and additions and subtractions.

It is truly a remarkable family.

One aunt is a genius piano player, another aunt organizes Reggae on the river. There is such a mixture of talent. One aunt, Musi, and a cousin, Vanessa, makes heavenly jewelry. Their work is remarkable, so delicate and colorful, so intrinsic and feminine.

This past Sunday we hung out with Musi and Vanessa as they showcased their work in the Open Studios series.

Baby Maria liked the fish earrings best of all.

I'm happy to report that she has good taste.

If you live in or around Santa Cruz come check out Musi and Vanessa's work this weekend.
You will love it.
Guaranteed.

Vanessa Mellet
October 9-10 & 16-17, 10am-5pm
408 Darwin St., Santa Cruz, CA (map)
Contact Vanessa: 510.261.4000
Day of show: 408.393.5334

Musi Hunt
October 16 & 17
10am - 5pm8341 Hanover St., Santa Cruz

the world does not revolve around us, thankfully

2010-10-12T22:50:00.000-07:00

In one of my classes the students are required to follow a current Latin American event in the news until the end of the quarter. For most students this is a new concept. Reading the news is not really in their habit and reading about Latin America is for sure not in their habit. Most. Not All.

One student wants to do Santana because Santana is "cool"

Another student wants to do the Earthquake in Chile even though that happened a couple months ago and it will be very hard to find any coverage about the aftermath in U.S media today.

So, I am working with them to pick a topic that will have coverage for the duration of the quarter (10 weeks) and this is a conversation I had with a student last week..

student: I want to do it on the miners in Chile

me: Do you think that you'll be able to find weekly articles on the miners till the end of the quarter? Maybe once they are out we'll get coverage for a week or two but I doubt it will be talked about much longer.

Student: Well, you know how these things go they say they'll be out soon but I'm really hoping they'll still be in there till December so I can finish my project.

me: You CAN NOT do it on the miners in Chile

student: why not?

me: because I said so!

Sometimes I treat my students like babies.

Sometimes they act like babies!

The world does not revolve around them and college students (o.k fine, most people) have a hard time acknowledging this fact. I'm so thankful the world does not revolve around babies or 4 year olds or college students or 27 year old moms who blog. After reading the news that the Chilean miners have started to come out I'm convinced that It's really much better this way.

Monday Moment

2010-10-11T09:45:00.000-07:00

Realizing I have friends.

Good friends.

Our friends Ben and Victoria spent the weekend with us. They have two kids and she's having her third next month. Ben is finishing up his last year of law school at Berkley and applying for a gazzilion jobs. The whole time they were here Victoria kept saying "you should let the kids spend a weekend with us, we'd love to have them." And she means it. We've taken her up before on her offer and Enzo never wants to leave their house. Victoria has the energy of 10 toddlers. She is unstoppable. She also has a great sense of humor and it's nice when friends whom you've known for a couple years and who loves your kids can appreciate their grumps and not really blame you for their misbehaviors.

Like, Enzo screaming at their son Avi "I am the winner and you are the looser" over and over again.

I cross-my-heart-hope-to-die-stick-a-needle-in-my-eye DO NOT know where he learned to talk like that.

They just laugh it off and love Enzo for who he is because really he can say things like that but we all know he's a big nerd who loves wearing belts.

friends appreciate those things in your kids and find it delightful.

As they were walking out the door to drive back home our neighbors came over with a big plate of brownies and a baby monitor. We hung out past midnight while listening to their kids a couple doors down. These are the perks of living in small town houses.

Today I was freaking about about some legal issues and my handy dandy lawyer friend stepped right up to help. She also watches my kids for me on Tuesday nights so I can teach. She's pretty awesome.

I love my friends.

Love them.

To the moon and back and back again.

What was your Monday Moment dear blog friend?

revisiting the topic of bilingual children

2010-10-08T15:13:00.000-07:00

Meet Mae and Lua.

They are Enzo's girly friends. Lua just moved here from Chile and is starting to learn English. Mae speaks English but is exceptionally good at imitating animal sounds.

o.k now a follow-up on my previous post but shorter. promise.

I appreciate the comments. I'm surprised you even read it. I don't read long blog posts so thank you for reading mine. I also appreciate the e-mails I got as a response to the post, even if we disagree on how many languages is best for a child to learn.

A few parents expressed frustrations as they've tried to teach their children other languages but were not successful and felt that I was insensitive to how hard it actually is.

My answer to that is that raising children is hard. As parents we make hard choices. Sometimes we succeed sometimes we don't but we make choices. Our family made a choice to, no matter what, speak Portuguese at home. We've had one lame doctor and 100 awesome supporters. We are lucky. We are lucky to live in California where speaking two languages is not a novelty. We are lucky to have Christian's open minded family. We are lucky that Enzo's cousins don't tease him about his accent. We're lucky that no one teases him about his accent and when they do say something about it it always involves the word "cool." Some of the e-mails I got expressed great frustrations with teasing, extended family not being supportive, and other issues. I honestly feel bad for you and your child and I'm sorry if I seemed insensitive in my last post to parents who have not had the success that we've had. I'm sorry your child gets teased about ANYTHING.

I continue to be a very strong proponent of bilingual education. I think that one of the reasons Enzo has had success in learning how to read is that he speaks two languages. Being able to explain things to him in Portuguese and sound things out in different ways has really helped him. I wish that all schools offered a bilingual option. I think knowing more than one language only adds to your life, not subtract.

now shall we move on and talk about....

vaccinations?

just kidding.

Have a great weekend.

xoxo

bilingual

2010-10-06T21:27:00.000-07:00

This post is a response to a comment I received on the post below where Enzo is reading in English and I'm speaking to him in both Portuguese and English.

ok...wait...let me just pull up that comment for you.

This post will probably be very long and I will not hold it against if if you're uninterested in the topic of raising bilingual children. In fact why don't I show you a picture of a child who is non-lingual and you can exit this conversation without feeling burdened.

It's not entirely fair to call her non-lingual since she has a mean roar and she can roll her Rs like no one's business. She totally communicates just not in any civilized manner. I know some 1 year olds who say "mama" or "dada" and maybe a handful of words. To be totally fair she does say "uau uau" which is how dogs bark in Portuguese. Don't you love how each language has a different way of making animal sounds. Fascinating. Does anyone study that? Someone should. I don't really claim "uau uau" to be her first word because I don't like dogs (here is where I loose half of my readers. forever) and because yesterday she saw a picture of me and said "uau uau" so I'm not sure what that's all about.

Enzo said his very first word when he was a couple days short of being 18 months. His first word was "esse" which means "this" in English. He would point to things and say "esse". By age 2 Enzo still said very little (those were the days...)

Christian and I made a decision to only speak Portuguese at home. The way that really translates itself is that we only speak Portuguese with our children and we switch back and forth between Portuguese and English when we're talking to each other. We've gone through periods of time where we'll try to only speak Portuguese with each other. It usually starts because of Christian's competitive side and he's all like "I know who ever says an English word needs to give the other person a 30 minute massage." I always loose and then I have to give him a massage and he's all happy. Then the next day HE says something in English and I'm like "yay, I get a 30 minute massage" and Christian is all like "what?! That was yesterday, we're not playing that game anymore." So basically we're great at only speaking Portuguese to Enzo and Maria but not so hot at only speaking Portuguese to each other.

ANYWAY...

We've been good about only speaking Portuguese to each other in front of Enzo and Maria, it's just when the kids aren't around or when we're in the car and we think we're being all sly and we start having a serious conversation about something and we think that Enzo won't understand what we're saying because we're saying it in English. At one point that might have been the case. Today, nope! Enzo just chimes in with his 2 cents in English and Christian and I look at each other and ask "where did he learn that?"

Well here is the thing, they learn it. In our experience we've noticed that even though for the past years of his life Enzo has mostly been cared for by the two of us he still learned English. It took him a while and he has an accent but he is at the point where he can fully communicate in English with anyone who cares to listen. And you know what? I bet when he's going to school full time we'll be pulling teeth to try and get him to speak Portuguese. Luckily up until now we've managed to go to Brazil every year since Enzo was born. The time we spend there is invaluable to his language acquisition. He always comes back with a much richer vocabulary. The plan is to continue going every year but after spending $5,000 on our recent trip I'm starting to wonder if we'll always be able to afford plane tickets. I'm going to say yes because it's a priority in our family to make those deathly 26 hour trips. I really hope we get to continue doing what we're doing because it would be a bummer for Maria if she didn't get as much exposure to Portuguese as Enzo did in his early years.

In fact we're already doing some things differently. We used to ONLY read to Enzo in Portuguese. We translated every English book to Portuguese. Maybe that's why he came home last week so excited about discovering the book "The Cat in the Hat." Had I really never read him that book? I mean, it's a classic? It's just that I hate translating Dr. Suess to Portuguese it takes all the fun our of the text. So now I've started reading books that are in English in English and books that are in Portuguese in Portuguese. That's why I bought 30+ children's books this last trip to Brazil and am regretting not having bought more.

Sijbrich, to answer your question about switching back and forth we don't normally do it. The book we're using to teach him how to read is completely scripted. It tells the parent exactly what to say word for word and all that is in English so our reading lesson is totally mixed. I read the text in English and he asks me questions in Portuguese.

I do have a friend who is super strict about ONLY no matter what/where/when speaks to her children in Spanish. She doesn't have the advantage of having her husband speak Spanish so she does an exceptional job at making sure that her kids learn Spanish with her teaching them. She has 4 boys and they are all fluent in Spanish.

I can seriously go on and on about this topic.
I can tell you about a pediatrician we had who claimed Enzo had a learning disability because he didn't know 100 words (or however many words they want kids to know) by the age of 3. Well, Enzo knew hundred of words in Portuguese just not in English. The doctor continued to give us a hard time so we changed doctors. I can tell you about how we've had people ask us not to speak Portuguese in front of them because they felt like we could be talking bad about them. Again, I'm mostly likely not talking bad about you to my 4 year old and if I am do you really want to know? I do believe in being polite, though, and I try hard to make an effort to translate and include everyone in our conversations.

With that said I have to be honest and say that I realized that I can parent Enzo much more loosely because most people don't understand us. For instance, Enzo and I were walking down the street and he saw a man with an eye patch. He very loudly (because he only has one volume) went on and on about how the guys was a pirate and started asking me questions about the guy's eye or lack of eye. So, all this happened downtown and I didn't feel or even think about our conversation and who might be listening, it's like we're in a bubble. On our recent trip to Brazil Enzo saw a dwarf and again very loudly started asking questions. This time the person he was talking about and everyone else around us understood Enzo and I was embarrassed. I know I shouldn't have been embarrassed but I was. So before addressing his question I made sure to tell him loud enough for others to hear that we are all different in our own ways and that people don't like to be singled out, that's it's o.k to ask questions but not to point etc, etc, etc.

We do what works for our family. I don't think I've read any research on bilingual children and if I did I probably forgot what it said. Our goal is to ensure that our children can communicate with their extended family and with their surroundings. Living in the U.S I have no doubt that my kids will be fluent in English and Christian's family has been awesome and patient with Enzo's language skills. In fact his English got so much better after this summer where he was able to spend a lot of time with his cousins. It's also nice, though, to go home to Brazil and have him totally capable of communicating with his extended family.

I also have every intention of having my kids go to a full immersion school when they go to Kindergarden. If we live in Hawaii I want them to learn Hawaiian. If we continue to live in California they will go to a full immersion Spanish school. I went to a bilingual Spanish-English school for 7 years of my life. I used to be totally fluent in English, Spanish, and Portuguese. My Spanish is not what it used to be and I'm very bummed about it but practice it every chance I get. I would love to learn new languages and have my kids be fluent in more than just two. I took Japanese for a year in college, didn't go over very well. Maybe I'll start Italian, I've always wanted to go to Italy. If I do start Italian I'll be sure to bring Enzo and Maria along for the ride.

10 points for you if you can say "little" as cute as Enzo

2010-10-04T23:16:00.000-07:00

Enzo is learning how to read. He wanted to learn and so we're delivering. The goal is to finish this book by Christmas. It's kind of like a Christmas present to himself because reading is THE best gift. I'm so excited for him to discover new stories on his own. Learning is wonderful and glorious but I am a little bit sad that one day he will loose his accent. What then?

Monday Moment

2010-10-04T21:25:00.000-07:00

Coming home to Christian.

When I was in graduate school I would often write posts about Christian and portray him as some hero because time and time again he would rescue me from my domestic obligations so that I could spend more time on my school obligations. Keep in mind that he too was a student.

I know some people found those posts annoying like "there she goes again showing off Christian." Well, all I can say is that if you are able to cook and clean while taking care of your children I hope your spouse shows you off because you deserve it. I hope your spouse writes great posts about your awesomeness because you deserve it. Most of all I hope your spouse attacks you with big slobbery kisses and tells you how awesome you are to your face.

I can't clean and watch the kids. I know that. Christian knows that. We don't even stress about it.

Simple fact.

Christian on the other hand watched the kids from noon until they were sound asleep in bed. I came home to a totally clean home, to a wonderful and elaborate dinner, my bed was made, the dishes were washed, the carpet was vacuumed and he was in a good mood. That is something that needs and deserves to be celebrated.

I don't know how he does it. I used to try and dissect his methodology but now I just bask in his awesomeness.

I'm in good hands.

maybe I'll start calling her antidisestablishmentarianism

2010-10-02T23:54:00.000-07:00

Polite people call her "busy"

Her doctor calls her "fighter"

At home we call her many things depending on our patience level.

Sometimes we call her "fearless" when we're feeling semi-proud.

Mostly I call her "crazy" right up to her face in a half-screaming-heart-coming-out-of-my -mouth voice.

For example, throughout the day I will remove her from the window and say "get down crazy baby." She doesn't know how to say mama or dada or anything that sounds like a language that we might understand. She does, however, know how to scream loud and look right at you and shake her head "no". She then goes and climbs up the couch and up to the window no matter how many times we get her down.

Last week she figured out how to open the window AND remove the screen. I caught her because God exists, if for nothing else to protect crazy babies.

Today she fell down the stairs at a friend's house. She doesn't really cry anymore. She just screams in frustration and then climbs right back up.

Up until this morning I was starting to think that maybe the DNA that makes people scared never entered her skinny little body.

But then something terrified her.

She screamed in terror and fright and ran.

It was such an endearing moment I kindda want to do it again.

I threw a little party for Enzo because he's learning how to read and because I got paid to do it, and it was also a fundraiser for a charity so I promise I had good intentions all around. It's a little complicated and totally besides the points. Bottom line, I got balloons. Lots and lots of helium latex colorful balloons and they freaked my baby out like nothing else she's ever experienced before. She couldn't see the balloons, she didn't want to be near the balloons. We had to put her down early for a nap so that the party could happen and the balloons could serve their function of decorating such party. When she woke up she was equally scared. We gave most of the balloons away. The ones we kept we tied behind her seat so she wouldn't have to look at them while she ate.

When she realized they right right there behind her ready to jump out and grab her face and attack her baby body she freaked out again and demanded to get out of her seat.

I might have to invest in a helium tank and colorful latex balloons, just to have around for disciplining purposes.

educate

2010-10-01T10:48:00.000-07:00

I have started a new post several times but I can't seem to finish it. My mind is a million miles per hour and the million degree weather outside doesn't help my thinking process. Today my thermometer is no longe registering 3 digits. It's still early but I have high hopes for a cooler day, it is after all October.

I had bought my kids Halloween themed PJs before leaving to Brazil and had every intention of giving it to them tonight as a celebration of the first of October. But yesterday I had to convince them to take a bath earlier than usual and have dinner earlier than usual then pack them in the car and drive them to pick up Christian in his class so that he could drive me to my planning meeting at 7:20pm. I bribed them to speed it up with new PJs. It worked. Even baby Maria was into her Halloween PJs. Success!

I think we're going to have a lot of these moments this quarter. Every Thursday for example will be the same chaotic adventure. I feel like I'm doing graduate school all over again, the same chaos of switching and trading is in full force. The only difference is that now I have 2 kids so it's so much harder. Oh, and the other difference is that now I'm getting paid so it's much more pleasant.

I'm in class 9 times a week. Both classes are about Latin America. Both professors that I am working with are incredible. The students are engaged and genuinely interested, I mean how could they not be when they get to see history in the making (I'm referring to Ecuador going all bananas yesterday). I'm trying to be more engaged with the news but really I get all my information from Hugo Chavez's twitter stream. Obama's twitter stream got boring after a while.

Speaking of exciting we have elections this Sunday in Brazil. We're probably going to get our first woman president. I just hope it's the one from the green party and not the one from the worker's party, only because I've met the candidate for the Green Party and love her philosophy and work. I don't know much about the other candidate. Unfortunately, I don't keep up with Brazilian news as much as I should. There is so much going on in the world, I wish I was better at keeping up to date with the news in general. But the truth is I'm way more interested in knowing what's going on in your lives, via blogs, twitter and facebook, than I am in reading the news.

Is that bad?

Christian is getting all competitive on me

2010-09-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

bring it!

When I came home last night he didn't even ask me how my 4 classes went or if I had eaten.

Rude.

He pulled me aside and showed me this video.

He's all gloating because baby Maria walks more for him than she does for me.

He thinks he's the favorite.

Whatever, we all know who the favorite is....

Monday Moment

2010-09-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

Baby Maria is learning how to walk.

She took big steps towards me today.

Will she still let me call her baby Maria once she is fully toddling around?

Will I have to call her toddler Maria?

Can I keep calling her Baby Maria even when's she's 21?

I'm setting up a linky again so you can link from your Monday Moment post and share here. Ok get ready here it is

The linky will work all week so you can do it today or on Wed when you remember that yes indeed you had a Monday Moment. I'll try to create a sidebar button that's spiffy and then you can click on it and it will link to all the past Monday Moments and will explain why I started Monday Moments. It will be so informative and cool. You'll see. Just give me 26 hours in a day and I'll totally get it done. Right Now I need to go. I mean I shouldn't even be on here. Baby Maria is taking a nappy nap and I need to prepapre my class. Today I teach 4 classes. I know! Just to add to the chaos of Mondays. Wish me luck, I'm teaching my students about Americanity or the Americas in the Modern world-system. I love teaching this intro Latin American studies class.

O.K gotta go prep pronto.

xoxo

indulgence

2010-09-25T22:01:00.000-07:00

excuse me as I indulge in another picture of my son with his lolly.

Enzo is fantastic. He is funny and animated and refuses to be polite to strangers who say hi to him even when he knows that it bugs me that he just looks at them and walks away.

He said that when he grows up he's never going to ride on airplanes and he'll never leave Santa Cruz. "Why do we need to visit beautiful places when we already live in a beautiful place"

He is so smart.

Last week when I was teaching him a new sound, I think it was "i", and he was getting confused he told me that I was wrong. When he decides that I'm wrong there is really no convincing him that I'm right. I seriously, don't even try. I just enjoy his ramblings on why I'm so not right. This time it was because his holy ghost is smarter than my holy ghost. Whatever that means.

He started his new preschool on Friday. He's gone in the mornings and comes back home after lunch. With our Fall schedule it looks like I'll be home in the mornings and teaching in the afternoons. I'm a little sad we're going to be apart so much of the day.

I miss him already.

don't take baby Maria on your next family vacation

2010-09-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

She is a dinosaur.

Set out to destroy everything that comes her way,

including my life.

After 26 hours of travel I asked Christian why on earth we had Children. Are we retarded? I think those were my exact words. I know it's not very politically correct of me but after not sleeping and fighting with a one year old for 26 hours I could think of nothing better (or worse) to say.

I captured the one moment where she sat down. All the other moments were crazy. It included nasty comments from passangers sitting by us asking us to ask her to stop kicking. As if that would work.

When we landed in Sao Paulo I kept calling my mom. I wanted her to come and get baby Maria from the airport. I told Christian we could come and pick her up next year. After 2 plane rides I was done. I was so not looking forward to another 10 hour plane ride and then another 4 hour plane ride on top of that.

My mom never answered the phone.

Enzo was perfect. Of course. When we travel he gets to eat unlimited snacks and watch unlimited movies. He deserved it though, he was so awesome.

Traveling is humbling in so many ways. Our planet is HUGE!

(store front in the airport in Bahia)

Coming back to America is always a shocker. I feel so dark and skinny as soon as I land and walk around the airport, given we landed in Texas. Our house feels extremely luxurious. We have hot water coming out of our sinks and our shower is more than just a trickle. Our 2 bedroom town house seems HUGE. And oh my gosh our California King sized bed is heaven. Baby Maria woke up at 4:00am, of couse she did, and I just stayed in bed and let her run wild in the dark. She did give me 70+ kisses this morning. She's making up for her bad airplane behavior.

Traveling is like giving birth,

it's hard as heck but after a while you forget

and you want to do it all over again.

Give me a couple days and I'll start shopping for Christmas tickets to Hawaii.

I'm leaving on a jet plane

2010-09-21T04:52:00.000-07:00

actually 4 jet planes

2 taxis

1 long bus ride

and then a 2 hour drive from the airport to my house.

No biggie!

No more eating sand and drinking fresh salty water.

Today is my last day in paradise and right about now a tear is starting to roll down my face.

I need to go and soak it all in before our travels tomorrow.

See you later alligator.

I would love to post on Thursday but I'll be a tiny bit exhausted and I'll have to carry my exhausted butt to teach a night class a couple hours after I arrive. You should totally feel sorry for me, as you can see my life is nothing but hardships.

Off to drink one last coconut water and enjoy one last beach day...

Monday Moment

2010-09-20T02:57:00.000-07:00

I started doing Monday Moments a while ago to try and be positive during my least favorite day of the week. I try to pick one moment of bliss through the normal chaos and share those with you. Today I want to read about your moment of bliss through your chaotic or maybe not so chaotic Monday. Post a Monday Moment on your blog and share the link of the post here in the linky below.

That way we can all commiserate through our Monday happenings.

xoxo

j o y

2010-09-19T10:06:00.000-07:00

Things fell into place this weekend so beautifully. Chance and very little planning worked together to create the perfect weekend of celebrations. On Friday our baby girl turned one. I enjoyed the process of making her cake like I have never done before. Usually I cook with an audience in mind, my food blog audience and my party guests. This time I was relaxed, knowing that the only ones who were going to eat the cake was our little family of 4.

Enzo was king! He cooperated so much and helped bake it from start to finish. He said it was his present to his little sis. I think his excitement and love were the magical ingredients that actually made the cake taste awesome and not look too bad after all was said and done. I never thought I could survive without my stand up mixer but I guess I can.

At night We got dressed in our travel best and went out to eat some Brazilian style pizza. The restaurant we choose had another little client named Valentina, whom we soon made friends with. She's only two months older than my Maria and full of spunk and sass. I went over to introduce Maria to the little girl and her mom immediately started feeding my baby. Valentina and Maria shared dinner from the same plate from using the same spoon, nothing to it just friendship and kindness.

I love this county!

We all ended up having dinner together and made new friends with the little girl's family. It turns out that the mom has lived in Santa Cruz and the dad has lived in Hawaii, I think we were meant to meet. The grandma was also there. She reminded me so much of my mom I couldn't help but want to be next to her. We got to talking and the dad is a world famous UFC fighter. It was so awesome to see Valentina's dad wrestle with her to sit still, not run off, not jump off the table and all those other survival tasks we implement every day as parents of small children. He lost quit a few battles and I couldn't help but smile. If a professional fighter can't tame his daughter why would I be able to?

I totally can't.

After dinner they came back with us to our rental and the owners of the vila where we are staying also showed up with their two kids and we had a full blown party with great conversation, good food, cheap balloons that the kids loved to pop, and new friendships. It was the best way we could of celebrated my daughter's birth, my daughter who loves people and action. Deep down I think she got the party she really wanted.

On Saturday Christian and I celebrated our 75th month wedding anniversary (you can read about our 50th month anniversary here). We hope to live so long and so well that we get to celebrate 75 years together but why wait to celebrate our marriage? So we went all out (for us). We had dinner at the nicest place in town and talked. It's amazing how much you can talk about when there aren't kids interupting your every sentence and when you're not trying to rush so that you have time to wash the dishes afterwards.

After dinner we went dancing. I feel like I'm walking on clouds when I'm dancing with Christian. We don't get to do it as often as we would like but when we do it's always more fun than we anticipated. The lady that cleans the rentals came to watch my kids. I know I've only known her for a week but we bonded and I felt fine leaving her with our little ones. I paid her as much as I would a babysitter in the States, I figured that was only fair. She was happy, I was happy, and the kids slept the whole time.

(what fruit and what animal do you spy in this picture?)

Christian has been working hard during this trip. He leaves early do do interviews around town and I'm usually alone with the kids all day bumming around the various beaches. Yesterday we celebrated the day as a family and went on a canoe ride up the rio de contas, a beautiful river that boarders the Atlantic Rainforest. We were dropped off at a glorious waterfall great for swimming. What grant agency do I need to talk to to convince them to fund my husband's research? I want to live here starting now!

Yesterday night we ran into a capoeira circle and this little kid was doing all sorts of back flips and moves that you would expect to only see in some James Bond movie. He was scrumptious with his little capoeira pants and his Ben10 t-shirt. I seriously got emotional when I saw him, I get emotional a lot over things like that. It's just that watching him made me completely happy. In that one momment I felt so lucky to have the life that I have. My nephew in NY loves Ben10. I remember him wearing his Ben10 t-shirts every day during our trip to Yosemite. I think my nephew would of loved this boy. I'm so lucky to have family in the States and in Brazil. I hope that one day Christian's family gets to visit Brazil.

Yesterday as we took Enzo and Maria up the river I felt like a good parent. In the one year that Baby Maria has been alive she has traveled to Hawaii, NY, Yosemite, Sao Paulo and now Bahia. We may not be able to give our children a big house and a fancy car but we are able to give them beautiful experiences. You had to see the look on Enzo's face when we were playing “I spy with my little eye” yesterday on the river and he spied a big snake and hundreds of crabs as we made our way through the mangrove swamp.

For a 4 year old that right there is pure joy.

I am so lucky to have joy in my life.

To not over do it (since I've already over done it) I will refrain from writing a long post tomorrow, pinky promise. Instead I'm going to open up my Monday Moment for you to share some part of your day that brings you joy. Feel free to write a post on your blog, there will be a way for you to share the link of your post for all of us to see. I think it will be a fun way for my readers to get to know each other.

I'll set it up early so you'll have all day to share.
I can't wait to see what you write.

a letter to my baby on her first birthday

2010-09-17T01:30:00.000-07:00

Dear baby Maria,

Today you are my happiest thought. Your glorious energetic personality is bursting out of the seams of your tiny one year old body. How can something so little be so big. Huge. To the moon and back big with curiosity in your eyes and a very clear idea of what you want at every waking hour?

When you sleep I like to stare at your baby body. You look so small and peaceful, much like the day you arrived on the planet after a few gentle pushes and a wonderful labor. You nursed on me for hours and I held you in my arms and gazed in your eyes and felt like I was bursting out of the seams of my body with joy and love. Oh the love. The love I have for you from the moment I saw you is deeper than the ocean you so carefree run into. It's deeper than my soul had ever imagined possible.

When my friend April told me that before she had her second child she felt like a woman with a child and not a complete mother, I knew exactly what she meant. It was only after you arrived in my life that I felt like a mother because it was only after you arrived that things started hitting the fan

ALL. THE. TIME!

Mothering you is double full time with a back flip and a 360 degree twist and I still feel like I'm barely hitting the surface. I'm trying to keep you alive and safe every breathing second because I could not possibly imagine my life without you. I need you right there on my hips as I carry you around my world. Your constant falling, and black eye, and rashes, and mosquito bites puts me at the brink of insanity.

This is how you look on your first birthday.

Like you fell from a a three story building. I truly spend all day trying to protect you from yourself but fail miserably. Please survive at least a hundred more years. The world is so much more wonderful and exciting since you entered it one year ago today.

I love you my baby-baby.

beijos, Mamãe.

my brother in law is so generous

2010-09-16T10:03:00.000-07:00

My brother in law Adam is as generous as they come and an amazing photographer.

Good combo!

He's doing a print giveaway in his blog and I think you should check it out because basically everyone wins. Visit his blog for more details.

ps. Tomorrow is his birthday and baby Maria's birthday.

Another really good combo.

I'm feeling homesick

2010-09-14T17:21:00.000-07:00

I've been going through the pictures of my new nephew Renan and all of a sudden I feel this homesick feeling right in my gut. I guess I didn't hold him enough. It's always like that. Whenever I go to Sao Paulo there are a million people I end up not seeing and the ones I do see it's never long enough.

Meeting him has been the highlight of my trip.

Monday Moment

2010-09-13T06:01:00.000-07:00

A year ago my baby knew no pain.

She knew cozy warm uterus and the sound of my heartbeat.

She was 2 days overdue and it would be a few more days before she would experience her birth.

Yesterday night my baby woke up screaming in such a manner that made me think she had been bitten by an army of centipedes. We are surrounded by jungle and so very far away from her doctor. I was mildly freaking out.

Nothing could console her. We took of her clothes to see if we found any bite marks then checked her crib. We found nothing. After about an hour of crying she fell asleep on our bread while Christian rubbed her back. I went to sleep seriously praying that she would wake up in the morning. I'm dramatic when it comes to death. I fear it multiple times a day. Remember my club?

Today she woke up alive and chipper with a new tooth.

This is her 6th. The first 5 were not this dramatic.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Christian is guessing 3:00ish, we woke up with screaming right outside our window. A mother found her 11 year old niece making out with some boy. Apparently she had been missing for a while and her mother was inconsolable. Can you imagine? All I know is that the mother was pulling the girl by her hair (the people on the street kept on screaming "don't pull her by her hair") and crying "She's only 11 years old, She's only 11 years old." My cousin got pregnant when she was 11 and was a mother by 12. By 19 she was a mother of 3. My poor aunt, her mother. Seriously, Can you imagine?

I will take teething over pre-teen pregnancy any day.

In fact I will take teething over most parental headaches.

But one day the parental headaches will be inevitable.

I just hope it's minor headaches.

My heart will hurt less if the troubles are few.

In the 4 1/2 years that I have been a parent I've learned to love through the frustrations and tantrums and lack of sleep because of teething. This kind of love is not instant. It's forced on you through every day tasks of caring for another being, once you realize that in order to keep another human being alive you need to be selfless. Being selfless creates a universe inside your soul ready to be filled with love.

I heard that love yesterday amidst the angry yells and words that was shared between the mother and the 11 year old girl outside my window. I hear that love every time my aunt Carmen talks about her granddaughter Barbara, who was born when my cousin was only 12 years old. On Friday I could see that love through the post of mamapundit who talks about the recent death of her 18 year old drug addict son.

So many heartaches and yet the love is always there.

Today I am going to spend the day cuddling my baby's troubles away.

I'm so lucky at how simple parenting is right now.

It's going to be one long Monday Moment.

I hope you have a wonderful Monday. I really do. But before you go about your daily tasks I want to ask for a favor, if you could leave some words of encouragement on this post by mamapundit I think that would be lovely. After all, I've learned that my bebeloo readers are humane to the core.

Palmer family reunion 2011

2010-09-12T08:31:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we took a 2 hour bus ride through the Atlantic Rain Forest bordering cacao plantations so that we could reach our destination; Itacare. Small town Bahia with beaches that look like this.

With a skate park to boost and slack line.

I think this should be our family reunion 2011 destination.

How much do you think it would cost to charter a small plane?

Just make sure to bring a speedo with you if you are a guy.

Enzo and Christian are the only ones with their surf shorts.

Oh, and there is surf.

Of course there is surf!

Christian would never decide to live a year anywhere doing research where there wasn't surf.

The little kids with their skateboards are really cute.

The older kids too.

Our street is cobble stone and people skate on that too. Crazy.

The rest of the streets aren't paved.

They're red dirt roads that takes you to beautiful warm beaches where you can drink
lilikoi (passion fruit) juice in abundance and eat yummy food.

Acai bread anyone?

O.k, so I'm seriously in love with this place but there are a few things we need to get used to first.
The smell of weed is constant.
The loud music is constant.
Music is fun except when it's past 2:00am.
Weed smell doesn't really bother me but Christian hates it.

I still think it's worth it.

Think about it, for what we paid in Yosemite we could rent a huge mega house with pool and maid (not that we're into maids or anything but in case we decide that washing all the kids clothes by hand is not much fun afterall)

And like last year's family reunion you don't even have to be a Palmer so show up.
You are SO invited.

My goal for this week is to start looking at potential rentals.

I love Enzo like crazy cakes

2010-09-10T06:22:00.000-07:00

This past summer (like, less than 2 weeks ago but it feels like forever ago) Christian and I TAed (Teaching Assistant) a community studies class called the Horrors of Old Age together. We left baby Maria and Enzo with a sitter and off we went to our class and then back home again to our children. We would drive back late at night eager to be in the same physical space as our sleeping children and talk about them.

Our children.

Enzo, mostly.

How he was getting old.

Next week is baby Maria's birthday which means that in 6 months it will be Enzo's 5th birthday which means that in double this time he'll be 10 and then soon after a teenager and poof his childhood years will be long gone.

Christian and I like to talk about our life and reflect on where we're at and then make plans for the future and write down our goals in a notebook that I've had since high school. We talk about finances and how much money we're going to try and save every year. We talk about his school and my blogs.

But most of all we talk about our children.

Enzo. mostly.

How he's growing up so fast.

And how in the midst of school and blogging and work and surfing and finances and rejection letters there is a little boy growing up in front of our eyes. These are our poor-graduate student-living far from family-stressful years that is also Enzo's childhood years. So we talk about enjoying the process, which I think we're good at because living in Santa Cruz and having Christian home more hours than not is a pretty awesome lifestyle.

In a couple of weeks I will be TAing two classes and writing for the newspaper and blogging. Christian will be working and schooling and again we will be busy because we don't know how to do it any other way. In the midst of busy I will be summoned to throw birthday parties for Enzo's stuffed animals, something we've successfully cut down to once a week. We will continue doing reading lessons and keep trying to convince our very tall 4 year old to retire his baby tricycle and experiment with a two wheeler. We will ignore when he puts his shirt on backwards because in hippy town california no one cares. We sure don't care. I will make sandwiches cut out with cookie cutters for him and the neighbors. We will have big kids over to help build tall towers and then comfort them all when baby Maria sets out to destroy and conquer their space.

More than blogging

and school

and work

is my love for Enzo

and his magical childhood years.

I love family portraits

2010-09-09T07:18:00.000-07:00

Can you tell?

Can you tell by the card full of pictures I take every day of my children?

And then the pictures I take of pictures?

That above is my grandma Maria and my grandpa Lau. They were visiting the chapel of the matron saint of Brazil, Nossa Senhora Aparecida. My grandma is as catholic as they come and she always paid her promises to her saints. As a result the two of them got to go on wonderful trips around the country visiting different cathedrals and chapels, worshiping saints along the way and fortifying their marriage of 50+ years.

This is my tia Carmen. She was showing me pictures of her wedding day as we talked about her plans to celebrate her 50th wedding anniversary. So many years. I asked her what she likes the most about her husband my tio Vava and she said that she likes how he eats. She's proud of the fact that he eats two dinners one at 7:00pm and another at 10:00pm. He's a truck driver with the most buff arms I have ever seen in my life. They've raised their children, they've lost two children, they're raising their grandchildren, and they eat two dinners together every night because one isn't enough. I love it.

I love those pictures.

My grandma and my aunt said that they had no idea what fruits their marriage would bring when they were 15 and decided to marry their life partners.

Do any of us?!

Baby Maria got her first birthday present last week.
My dad painted it for me but really it will be for her.
She already loves it.

remember this picture?
oh how I love it.

for the next couple of weeks our life will look like this

2010-09-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

Different but good.

Simple in some ways and harder in others.

No recycling, no fast internet, and very little shade.

Lots of sun, warm water, and strangers that pulls Maria right out of my arms without even asking.

Right now we're in the city of Ilheus in the south of Bahia surrounded by colonial architecture, beautiful beaches, and street vendors who are only a couple years older than my Enzo. I left Santa Cruz thinking that Enzo and Maria had a little tan but upon arriving to Bahia we stand out, we are as white as they come. Christian stands out the most and it's even more evident when he starts talking. His Portuguese is excellent but as a foreigner he has an accent that gives him away. Plus, he carries our baby around in a baby carrier. People don't really know what to make of us.

That's o.k.

It's good practice for next year when we move back here for an entire year.

Christian is an Anthropology PhD student. He studies culture. More specifically environmental culture and even more specifically he studies how people in this area of Brazil think about the environment. He looks at fishing communities and their interactions with the environment. He also looks at tourism, with a very critical eye. Right now we are the tourists, total outsiders.

I am Brazilian, I speak Portuguese.

But I am not from Bahia. I am from Sao Paulo and the culture here is very different from the culture of my home state. I've came to Ilheus in the summer of 2003 for an internship with a cooperative that sold organic Cacao. I spent 6 weeks living in very rural communities surrounded by cacao and forest. Christian and I had been dating for a couple of months and he spent that summer in the Amazon studying rubber tappers. The whole time I was here I kept thinking about him. He would love this place, I mean, there are waves here!

Fast forward 7 years and we're back, married and with 2 kids in tow. Christian is out and about visiting various NGOs and professors. I'm hanging out with the kids in a small one bedroom apartment. I brought a ziplock bag with a hand full of little people, another bag of flat blocks, 4 board books, a pad of paper , water colors and crayons and of course Uno cards. I also brought a preschool workbook for Enzo and his reading lesson books. I brought barely enough clothes, one sippy cup for the two of them to share, and 2 bottles. I am loving the limited number of items we have and am seriously tempted to tell our house sitter to purge all of the toys we left behind along with all the clothes I never wear.

Internet is slow.

People touch my kids without my permission and give me advice without even knowing my name.

Bananas are in abundance and cheap

and every house seems to sell homemade otter pops.

When we move here next year you have to come and visit.

It's pretty magnificent.

the wedding

2010-09-07T17:08:00.000-07:00

The.

Wedding.

That above is my cousin Dani Freitas and her now husband Pedro Queirolo. She has a T.V show and he owns an advertising agency and is also a race car driver and they served brigadeiro (brazilian fudge) covered in gold powder (real gold, really real gold) at their wedding.

I ate gold

as did the other guests who were there

80% of them celebrities

whom everyone knew except for Christian and I.

oh yeah, and the absurd number of cameras and reporters that showed up probably got a brigadeiro with gold as well.

If they were lucky.

If we're all lucky to not die from heavy metal poisoning, that is.

Brazilian economy is not the like the economy of the United States. Most people here would be considered poor in the U.S and a very teeny-tiny portion of the population have so much money that they are able to put gold on their chocolate and throw a wedding party that probably cost more money than most people would ever care to see in their entire life time.

This is Brazil, a perfect example of a developing country.

and this is my cousin

and my sisters

and I.

because really, apart from all the pomp, she is my cousin and the brigadeiros were good and the food was excellent and the dancing and the various bands and the party favors (oh my) were all wonderful, but seeing my cousin and the rest of my family was the best.

Dani is the oldest of the cousins. There are 10 girl cousins and 2 boy cousins. The girls are all very very close. Dani, Denise, Debora, Mose, Ju, Vivi, and Ana are my sweet cousins who used to torment my poor grandma when we were little looking for an endless supply of gum.

My grandma went to the suite where my cousin was getting ready. She was so proud. She watched and gave her opinion about every single detail of her hair, and make-up, and from what I hear got in trouble by Iodice, the dress designer, because she wouldn't stop touching and analyzing the dress.

There are things that gold can't ever change.

Monday Moment

2010-09-06T10:39:00.001-07:00

Arriving at our rental in Bahia and having

i.n.t.e.r.n.e.t

My mom doesn't have internet, bless her heart. Neither does 99% of the people I visited while I was in Sao Paulo. Which is a good thing, of course, in that I wasn't tempted to sneak away from important conversations to update my facebook status.

My friend Thira says I have an internet addiction.

I used to blush every time she said that and whisper back "it's not like that" because internet addiction in my head rhymes with pornography and to be honest I'm not really attracted to the idea of looking at naked anything online.

But give me a blog to read and I'm hooked.

A month or so ago I woke up in a cold sweat. I had a very uncomfortable dream where I discovered that Mr. Nielsen was cheating on his Stephanie Nielsen, you know Nie Nie right? If you don't know Nie Nie then allow me to introduce you to her and you WILL thank me later because you WILL get sucked in her life and her trials as a a burn victim/plane crash survivor while raising her 4 children and being madly and inspiringly in love with her husband, Mr Nielsen.

Reader meet Nie Nie. I would love love love to say Nie Nie meet Reader but I can't. You see, that is the problem. I don't know her personally. I have never met and will most likely never meet her. We will never be friends. She has no idea I exist and yet I am woken up by nightmares in which I have to tell her that her husband is cheating on her (not with me so STOP THAT!) and I therefore ruin her entire life. Pleasant isn't it?

Thira is right. I am addicted to the internet because I am addicted to the stories and lives of bloggers, 99% of them are stangert . But how can Nie Nie be a stanger when she told me how it feels to wake up from a coma and not have your youngest son recognize or even remember you. How can Heather Spohr be a stranger when she told me details of her daughter's funeral?

My friend Bia, from high school, told me this week that she reads my blog. I had no idea. The truth is that I have no idea who reads bebeloo. I know that Andrea, and FootPrints, and Ana are regulars and a handful of other readers who comments on a regular basis. On any given day I think that a handful of people come to bebeloo but when I check my stats counter the numbers are higher than a handful and sometimes I worry. What strangers are reading about my life and having dreams that Christian is cheating on me and they have to be the ones to tell me? I hope I don't cause you that kind of anxiety.

But look,

I can't give it up.

I think that blogging is more than an addiction it's part of my livelihood a breadth of fresh air.

I love writing.

and I love reading. It makes me feel like I have a community no matter where I am on the globe. I opened up my google reader today. It's been a whole week since I've read other people's post. I have 578 posts to catch up on.

Of course I won't get to read every single one but I look forward to tackling my list.

Thanks for sharing pieces of your life that inspire me to no end.

And thank you Bia for being a part of my life even if for the moment it has to be done via

internet.

16 hours plane ride, "expensive but fantastic" skymall , turbulence, grand canyon, texas sunset, baby maria discovers J-lo at sometime in the middle of the night...and we made it.

2010-09-02T20:36:00.000-07:00

Monday Moment

2010-08-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

We're all packed and ready to go.

I started packing a week ago and it's paid off.

No last minute craziness.

Good, because we leave to go to the airport in 2 hours and all I want to do is relax.

I have been feeling kindda bad though thinking about baby Maria's first birthday that's coming up in just 18 days. Enzo had a huge first birthday bash. He has a scarpbook detailing all the 12 first months of his life plus major Holidays. He had a baby book full of stats and a journal that I wrote in at least a couple times a month. He gets birthday t-shirts and excessive presents.

Baby Maria gets a birthday on a beautiful beach in Brazil, which isn't too shabby. But it's only going to be the four of us. No birthday t-shirt (I promised myself I will make one when I get back, we shall see). No scrapbook, only 2 journal entries (one when I was pregnant and one when I came home from the hospital and had all that good post partum energy hormones). Her baby book is empty, oh wait I gave her baby book away to another mom who wanted one. I have no idea what her first year stats were. I've got nothin' not even a birthday present. I'm sure I can pick up something there, right? Better yet, though, I'm sure she won't even care.

Baby Maria knows what's most important in life.

Thank goodness for this blog.

Who needs scrapbook when you have blogs?

Who needs birthday t-shirts when you're in blazzing hot weather?

And who needs birthday parties when you're in paradise?

not her!

nope.

and who needs to do a bunch of extra things when I'm so busy packing?

not me!

My Monday Moment was allowing myself to let go of wanting to do too much and thankful that the important things got done.

o.k I'm off.

Don't miss us too much.

xoxo

life is fun when you are beautiful

2010-08-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

So says my friend Seth every time he sees baby Maria.

Ain't it the truth, though?

We're packing our bags and she keeps pulling out her bikini.

I think she wants to try it on to make sure it looks good.

I keep telling her not to worry,

everyone wears bikinis in Brazil no matter what your body looks like.

Even though she's a little round in the center she has nothing to worry about.
She will look fabulous.

Besides, the truth is that really, really, really no one cares how you look.
I know!
Liberating isn't it?!

Speaking of looks my whole family (literally, the entire extended family) has been freaking out about my cousin's wedding. My cousin is a celebrity in Brazil she has her own T.V show. Don't ask me how she started her career and please don't google image her name if your husband is around.

My cousin is great. I love my cousin. And she's getting married. VIVA! But everyone needs to rent a tux and fancy dress and it's creating unnecessary drama. One of my uncles refuses to rent a tux. He claims that he'll get there and find a bunch of guys wearing pink button down shirts with jeans and call it fancy because that's what celebrities do. I think he's right but DO NOT tell my aunt I just said that.

Anyway, I'm so excited to see my family. They'll pinch me and say I'm fat then pinch me and say I'm skinny. But really, they just fall into the category of everyone else, they don't really care how I look. Besides everyone will be way more interested in Maria's chubby thighs to really even notice mine.

Brazil, here we come!

in a nutshell

2010-08-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

Lets just pretend that you know nothing about me

for a quick sec.

Then come back here and let me know what you think.
I'm aiming for a basic intro page about me.

me, me, me
(blogging is so narcissistic).

summer in santa cruz

2010-08-24T23:28:00.001-07:00

Summer arrived two days ago in our little corner of the world.

It came at a whooping 100+ degree and rising.

This is what happens in late August and September in Santa Cruz.

Bizarre.

Christian has abandoned me for the downstairs futon. Upstairs is a furnace and I'm working on packing our bags in the swealtering heat. In the process I end up dropping the F-bomb every now and then but luckily it's so hot it melts before it reaches my children's' ears.

I sit and fold clothes and try to think of the time when I was in Massachusetts and how I thought my eyeballs were going to freeze, I was so cold. But I can't. My memory doesn't work that way. I end up remembering the down jacket I was wearing and the white wool beanie my roommate gave me and that just makes me sweat even more.

(...and that was the sound of another bomb dropping)

This time last year I was the one who abandoned Christian and slept on the downstairs futon.

I was so pregnant.

I was so hot.

This is a picture that I just found yesterday.

It was taken last year around this time.

It was like 7:00pm and had finally cooled down a bit.

I remember.

Last time this year we were only 3. Now we have an extra little thing that has been wearing nothing but diapers for the past 2 days. She doesn't know what to make of the heat. She's completely perplexed and keeps touching her skin and shrieking in frustration.

It's called the Baby-bomb.

first buzz {he wanted it bad}

2010-08-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

It's ridiculous how attached I am to his hair

and how attached he is to his decisions.

Monday Moment

2010-08-23T07:18:00.000-07:00

I'm a nice wife.

You know how men can be nice husbands and good dads but women can only be wives and mothers?

Well, screw that!

It's like, when Christian is walking on campus with our two kids he gets compliments for being a nice dad. "Look at that guy with those little kids, what a good dad." When I was in my last quarter, majorly pregnant with Maria and walking around campus with Enzo I was just "the young mom who got knocked up again."

I don't need recognition, I just need sleep.

One time in Hawaii Christian's little sister quickly jumped to his defense and said, "Christian is so nice to you he lets you sleep in every morning." Christian is nice to me but I don't consider sleep an act of kindness. I consider it survival. He "lets" me sleep in because in Hawaii he doesn't care if he goes surfing at 8:00am or 4:00pm. He's on vacation. Heck, he usually surfs twice anyway. Letting me sleep in. Ha!

In California he goes surfing early morning dawn patrol because he's busy as heck and needs to be working by 9:00am tops. So while he's catching waves I'm up with our kids. Maria woke up at 5:45, she's been doing that a lot. It's a beautiful thing to wake up before 6:00am when you're not a morning person. I screamed at her for the first time today and she screamed back. The audacity! When I scream at Enzo he just cries. I'm not used to this female-to-female interaction. Bring it baby Maria, it's on!

The only good thing about being up right now is that it's almost noon in Brazil and I'm closing on two different rental houses. We leave for Brazil in one week. We'll be spending 6 days in Sao Paulo then 5 days in Ilheus and 12 days in Itacare. We're renting a place in Ilheus and Itacare right in front of the beach. I'm so excited I am trying to visualize myself there right now, so as not to strangle my baby.

Monday Moment. You got one?

lua

2010-08-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

This is our new friend, Lua.

She moved here from Chile.

We also have a new friend Juniper and a new friend Olive.

They moved here from Indiana.

There's also Victoria, Olivia, and Joseph.

They moved from Modesto,

not too far way.

Our next door neighbors are in India for two months

and the people who live two doors down are in London.

People have such fascinating lives.

and so it goes

2010-08-18T14:33:00.000-07:00

Hi. I'm Damaris and I like to play with eggshells and hoard kitchen gadgets, among many other things.

Today at 1:10am while I vacuumed the downstairs I realized that I don't live within my means.

Financially I do. We're students living on student salaries and we've still managed to have a small savings account. I'm not worried about our finances. We live within our means as far as money is concerned. Which is huge. Right?! I mean, debt is the name of the game and our country is lossing big time.

However, no one should be cleaning the house at 1:00am and the reason why I was, aside from getting sidetracked for 2 hours on facebook and e-mails, was because we have way too much stuff. We live in a two bedroom, one bathroom, one wanna be kitchen/closet with a stove, and a living-dining room, house. It's small and sufficient for our needs. But because of our frugal ways we accumulate hand-me-down baby girl-clothes that will fit Maria a year from now.

Among many other things.

I have a fondue pot that I use once a year, twice maybe. A crock pot for soup and another for meats. I have 3 food processors all in different sizes. I have beautiful platters in which to serve my food that are in the cupboard right above the fridge. On top of the fridge I have a vast array of stuff that ranges from paper towels to plastic Pez candy holders that Enzo won't let me throw away. Meaning, I can never get to the pretty platters because the Pez version of Lightning McQueen is ruining my life.

I don't want a bigger house. Besides, that's not even the point because right now this is where we live and how we live. We are a two bedroom one bathroom closet kitchen family. With too much stuff.

Three years ago we moved to California with three suitcases a hammock and a blowup mattress that had a hole in it. Since then we've gotten rid of the mattress and acquired a beautiful California king sized bed.

Among many, many, other things.

I need to get a hold of my clutter. I need to de clutter and not re-clutter. The problems is that it's so easy to accumulate where we live. We've had 70 families move out of our complex in the past 2 months. They leave furniture, toys, clothes, food, books, and anything you can think of behind as they make their travels to their new job across the country, or across the globe. All these things get put in the freebin, we have 4 of these bins within a 3 minute walk. One is right in front of my door. It's hard not to look and rescue the things we deem useful.

"One person's trash is another person's treasure" is a problematic idea because not everything gets picked up from the freebins. When things don't get picked up they go to Goodwill. I've seen the surplace of Goodwill. It's called the Bargain Barn. It's located two blocks away from Costco and a block away from the homeless shelter. It's insane. Every day the warehouse gets filled up with truckloads of clothes, shoes, and more plastic toys than the number of children combined in all the world. Some people go and buy things and then resell. Some people, like myself, will go and buy things just because it's so cheap you kindda feel like you need to rescue it from their landfill destiny. Then at 4:00pm the warehouse closes and whatever is left, which is probably 99% of the stuff will go to the trash. Somethings are recycled but most are not. The next day you can wake up bright and early and return to the Bargain Barn and find all new stuff.

So I don't really spend a lot of my income buying things but I feel like I encourage other people to consume because I allow them to throw things away in the freebins or give to Goodwill with the surety in their hearts and a peace of mind that their trash will be my treasure. Sometimes it is but now the treasures are turning into trash and I don't want to be responsible for it. I don't want to even have to think about it.

At the same time I feel like if I'm going to be a good citizen of the world and a good mother there has to be a better, more responsible way to deal with

all

this

stuff.

a sorry excuse to get you to watch a couple YouTube video

2010-08-17T16:43:00.000-07:00

YOU GOTTA WATCH THIS INDIAN GUY!

told you.

Don't worry, I made Enzo watch it too

and his response was, "this is exactly what I want to do with my life"

Give him a couple years.

I think he has it in him.

Monday Moment

2010-08-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

equals deadline.

I was contacted by an editor of major national magazine last week and asked to write an article.

My jaw dropped and I still haven't fully picked it up.

Today the deal has been set.

I have two weeks to come up with something brilliant.

No pressure, I just feel like I'm going to puke out my guts first.

I'll give you more details soon.

But first what was your Monday Moment?

random side note but not totally unrelated: A while back Enzo told me that he wanted to plant popcorn. We were eating popcorn as an afternoon snack, which we normally do, and Enzo said that he wanted to plant popcorn on our small garden plot. I told him, "it's not going to grow." I'm not sure why I said such a stupid thing. Christian was more hopeful and allowed Enzo to plant his popcorn seeds. Enzo went to the garden and literally threw some kernels of popcorn on the plot and walked away. Months later we have these beauties growing ever so tall. I'm happy beyond words that Enzo didn't listen to me and believed in himself. So, because of my recent magazine experience I am going to throw out a little kernel of motivation at you. You can catch it or pretend like it was never coming your way. Your call.

Believe

yourself

and

act.

(ps. I'm talking about big actions not half way actions. BIG actions that take up time and commitment and...the end)

friday the 13th

2010-08-13T20:07:00.000-07:00

yeah,

it's scary.

in the shadows

2010-08-12T21:45:00.000-07:00

Today we went to the park because it felt like summer for the first time in a long time.

Parks are an interesting public space because you have kids playing and parents talking and when parents assume that their kids aren't listening they say pretty absurd things. I was listening to these 3 moms today, mainly because their conversation was outrageous. It started out with a simple comment about how one of the moms bought each of her kids an ipad for their long plane ride to NY this summer. It kept them very entertained and she recommended that the other moms do the same for their kids. The other 2 moms guaranteed that they would. Then it escalated to talking about how if you don't have money to buy an extra seat for your infant you shouldn't travel because having a baby in your lap is disrespectful to the person who has to sit next to you and your baby. It ended with a comment about how airfare should be higher so as to hinder those people from traveling.

Privilege can be so ugly sometimes

and I felt like it was duty to hate them a little right there and then.

A couple minutes later a little boy (maybe one of the three mom's son?) walked up to baby Maria out of nowhere and yelled "Babies don't wear earrings. You're a dumb baby!" She just looked at him and smiled and clapped her hands enthusiastically as he walked away.

Babies can forgive
better than their mommies.

♡

2010-08-11T11:24:00.000-07:00

This video is going viral.

as it should.

You see, I don't get to pee in peace and silence.

My babies are either in the bathroom with me or banging at the door.

They are constant.

Even when I am not near them they are constant.

My mind is never alone.

They are there in my worries and in my happiest thoughts.

They are good keepers of company and they are my constant company.

This video is beautiful.

But in a way it had the opposite effect on me.

It made me cherish the companionship that, as a mother, I always have.

7:45pm

2010-08-10T22:20:00.000-07:00

The blessed hour

when kids will do anything to not go to bed.

Even good things like clean their room.

Often times I'm too tiered to tap into the opportunity.

The blasted advice of "sleep when your baby sleeps" is almost as bad as "The dishes will be there in the morning. Just play with your kids" or something stupid along those lines.

Christian says that life continues even after you have kids.

Meaning, if you don't do your dishes they will be there in the morning and you won't have a clean bowl to feed your kids cereal with.

I helped clean Enzo's room today. It really needed it. It fells so good to be in a clean space. Even the kids appreciate it. The way they carry themselves in a clean environment speaks louder than a "thank you". Enzo did thank me though because he's awesome like that which is evident in the fact that he wears a beanie to bed. I know there is a more appropriate term for a bed hat. What is it?

I'm too tiered to think.

'night.

God took over my Monday Moment

2010-08-09T14:11:00.000-07:00

My Monday has been like the last several Mondays. Christian leaves early to go surfing. I wake up with the kids and get them dressed. Christian comes home at 9:00 and gives them breakfast while I take a quick shower. I go downstairs and high-five Christian as he hands the kids off to me. We're a good relay team. I'm happy. I spend the morning playing blocks and trains and dancing. Christian spends the morning working. Just to bug, I send him a chat message or two from downstairs. We made a big purchase today and Christian chats back "Nothing like starting your Monday off with a huge credit card bill." I laugh and and I can hear Christian laughing from upstairs. Enzo doesn't get it and keeps asking, "what? what?" At 11:00am baby Maria gets a bottle and a nappy. Enzo and I run off to swim lessons. I read a book while Enzo is driving for rings. On the way back Enzo complains that he's hungry and tiered, hungry and tiered, hungry and tiered, multiple times because that's what swimming does to 4 year old bodies. We come in and Maria is a awake and waiting for us. She crawls to the bathroom when she hears my voice. She always thinks I'm in the bathroom. It's pathetic how often I have to pee. I bring her downstairs, make some lunch, feed the kids, eat, and then high-five Christian as I hand the kids off to him at precisely 1:00pm. It's now 1:11, such a neat schedule; orderly. I have 4 hours to grade, read, answer e-mails, and blog. Blogging comes first.

So here we are.

Again.

Monday.

Only difference is that today my mind has been heavily preoccupied with religious questionings.

********************

Yesterday I gave Enzo a time out because, well long story. Anyway, I sent him up to his room and a couple minutes later I went to check on him and he was praying. It was the first time I had ever seen him pray by himself and I was curious to know what his conversation with the higher being had been about. He told me that he had asked Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to help him out. He didn't want to get in trouble again so he asked them what game he should play that would not involve getting a time out. God answered football. Enzo's first religious experience was God telling him that he should play football. Not soccer.

********************

Today Enzo has been praying every now and then, having casual conversations with Jesus and God. He went outside and sang a song that he learned in Church in his highest voice possible. He was screaming the lyrics. He said he wanted to make sure that they heard him in Heaven and in Brazil.

********************

I once read a story in Real Simple (or the Oprah mag, don't remember) about a women who grew up very religious. She used to talk to Jesus and had visions of him. When she was in high school her brother died in a terrible car accident and she was devastated. She went to the bathroom to pray and she saw Jesus open the bathroom door and walk away. Ever since that day she said that she became an atheist and discourages parents from teaching their children religion. It makes them have hallucinations.

********************

When my little sister was 4 years old she learned how to tie her shoes. When my mom asked her who taught her she said it had been Jesus.

********************

When my parents separated and my dad left I was spiritually destroyed. I prayed and talked to God as if he were my best friend. It was like a never ending prayer. I would start my day by talking to him and would continue the conversation, the pleading for help, well into the night. The next morning I would start right where I had left off. I don't think I said "amen" until 8 months later. It was indeed a very long prayer.

********************

Praying is basic. I never thought I would have issues with prayer but I often go days without saying a single personal prayer.

********************

It makes me uneasy that Enzo is praying. What if, what if so many things. Part of me is happy to see that he is developing a relationship with God and Jesus. Another part of me is worried. What if it's not true?

********************

Why am I questioning something I've believed in my whole life? Something that my parents didn't impose on me. Something I choose to believe?

********************

I like being a Mormon. I have no desire to live a different lifestyle. I think the focus on family is wholesome. I think that the word of wisdom is healthy. I like the community. Is liking the lifestyle the same as having a testimony?

********************

I know there is a God. No doubt. Look around. Have a baby or two. Loose a key and then say a quick prayer and proceed to find the key in the place that you had already looked. Definitely, there is a God.

********************

I want Enzo to know for himself. Mostly, I want him to know that if he believes is God and Jesus I will love him and if he doesn't I will love him just the same. The exact same. Not one drop less.

********************

On a lighter note I also want you to know that I think a lot about what kind of food we'll eat in heaven. I think something like this will definitely be on the menu.

count your blessings name them one by one

2010-08-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

and since I'm on religious note I might as well tell you that the original title of this post was

"are you there god, it's me another blogger?"

It was a well articulated post, if I can say so myself, where I vented about how blogging is frustrating and then depressing and then deeply demoralizing. It was typed up in Arial, font size 12, right alignment, nice and crisp in my head. I don't understand how so many bloggers who started blogging less than a year ago have thousands of subscribers. I feel like there is some well kept secret that I can't tap in to about how to make blogging, the number one hobby amongst stay at home moms (totally made that up, but don't you think?), into a a career.

ENOUGH!

Seriously, enough.

I am healthy. My Kids are healthy. My husband is healthy. My husband likes me. I like him back. We like where we live. We live a comfortable life. That should be enough.

Thank you god, universe, luck, chance, work, talent, people, friends, family, strangers, for giving me enough.

I can't complain. I can but I can't. I can because in this life we have free will which is a beautiful thing.

Blessing numero uno: I got a TAship for Fall

Blessing numero dois: I got another TAship for Fall

Blessing numero three: I have a gig with the newspaper doing what I love.

I have 3 jobs lined up. Three. Now we can pay our rent. Oh wait. We haven't paid rent in over a year because our rent is paid for though our other awesome gig.

It's like, whenever I get melodramatic about my failure as a food blogger something happens.

BAMM!

Its usually a good explosion, like more TA appointments.

I almost like TAing as much as I like blogging.

I do. Honest. Teaching college students is great.

In fact I'm TAing a class right now called the Horrors of Old Age. It's about ageism. It's so good and the best part is that the students think I'm kindda old. They try to be all politically correct about it, which is high-larious.

ps.

* I love you.

**Don't for one second feel sorry for me

***However, if you have any tips or criticism or secrets or magic on how to imporve my blogging skills I'm all ears. Leave a comment (anonymous is fine) send me an e-mail or just send me positive thoughts.

and if I could I would thank you by sharing my purple flowers

better yet, I'd invite you over for dinner and feed baby potatoes.

gotta go.

baby woke up from her nap and I have to grade papers.

Have a lovely weekend, ok.